11 years.

11? Really? Whose life WAS that?

Well, instead of the RAIN we had on Christmas, today we got snow. :) Last year, on the 1 big snowstorm, all the sleds were GONE from the stores and so Kyle had to make Ethan a sled from a cardboard box. We planned ahead this year, and Ethan got snowpants and a sled for Christmas so today we got to play fox and geese, and go sledding. Great way to spend December 28th. One of our friends brought a kid's snowboard and Ethan tried a few times going down the hill. Watch out, everyone, he's got some incredible natural ability and no fear, so we're pretty excited to get him on some real slopes sometime soon.

Tonight, the boys snuggled next to me on the couch and we read stories and then sang songs to the light of the Christmas tree. As we lay there, there was silence for awhile and then I sang "Where is Heaven?" I haven't even thought of that song for years, and never sung it as a lullaby, but it was the perfect ending to a December 28th.



"...in quiet moments, when I'm all alone
I close my eyes and try to see my Heavenly home...
Where is Heaven? Is it very far?
I would like to know if it's beyond the brightest star
Where is Heaven? Will you show the way?
I would like to learn and grow and go there someday

I've a feeling that it's not so far...
When you're with the ones you love it's right where you are."

That was very true tonight.

I told Ethan I wished he could have met her, but then I just told him some of my favorite memories of her and some of the goofy things that we used to do. I told him how we had bunk beds and how she slept on the top bunk and sometimes she would fling her head down so her hair was hanging down and she would swing back and forth and say, "Come to Mama! Come to Mama!" (I know, it makes about as much sense as a modoma wrench, but it always made me laugh) Ethan giggled about this, and then I told him how we would sometimes lay in bed and giggle and giggle and then Dad would come in and warn us about "mean daddy-o" and so we would try to be quiet but then we would just giggle and giggle. It was fun to see Ethan's imagination sort of light up and to see him laugh about a memory of Linds.

On Christmas night, I said the word "spiffy" about something Ethan showed me, and then we had 30 minutes of next generation "Chicken with a broken leg." Kyle and I were literally doubled over laughing so hard because Ethan decided to just freeze in random poses and then say, "spiffy!" (and of course, after a whole day in your pajamas, not going anywhere, and not showering, we were kind of at the point of stir crazy slap happiness anyway...) Just as we were trying to gain control so we could breathe, Jake came running into the kitchen, totally out of nowhere, tilted his head to one side, put his hands in the air, and said, "Spiddy!" and then laughed and ran out of the room. I was trying to treat a low blood sugar and my apple juice was just about coming out my nose. It was hilarious.

Tonight I told Ethan that Lindsay and I used to be goofy like him and Jake and run around the kitchen doing things like, "spiffy!" I could tell that he was happy to know that she knew how to have fun. He knows that she is special to me, and I think he was pleased to know that he can be a part of it in some way.

So, that was our day. Miss you guys, love you guys, hope you have a great day!

Someday I would love to make a book where we each fill as many pages as we can with stream of consciousness memories of Linds and then read them to each other. Wouldn't that be fun? Maybe next year on the 28th when we're together? (hopefully!!) We could just set a timer and each have several sheets of paper or a computer and just say ready set go and then crank out whatever comes to mind. That's sort of what I did with Ethan tonight, and it was really fun.

And, speaking of memories, it's a year ago yesterday that Philip Ricks passed through the veil. Karla is doing well, and enjoying more financial stability than ever before, but of course missing him and having some sad days. Marie and her new husband spent Christmas with mom and Susan and everyone is looking forward to Marie's baby girl to be born in just a few months. Life is such a curious recipe of sorrow and joy....

Well, we love you! Happy 2009! I'd love to hear your end of the year musings and goals for 2010!

Love Em