How we pass it on...

I wrote this up last February and realized today that I never sent it to you guys. I was going to send it on December 28th but I had a few other things on my mind this year... Anyway, this was a tender experience for me with Ethan and I thought you guys might like to have an account. :)




I mentioned in passing in a conversation yesterday that my sister had died several years ago.
Later, my friend followed up and wanted to know a little bit more about it.
Ethan was in the room when I briefly explained what had happened in the car accident. A few minutes later as we were walking to the car, he said,

“Did Baba hit some ice on the road and rolled the van?”

“What car was he driving when he rolled the van?”

“Oh. Was the car broken?”



This morning: Can we see the big white van? Can you talk about Aunt Lindsay?

Was Baba driving and he hit some ice on the road? Can I see the big white van?

(yeah, let me go get some pictures of Anut Lindsay)
So we sat in the rocker and we looked at pictures…
What is this?
This is me, as a little baby, and this is my big sister.
This is me, spilling cereal all over the floor, and this is my big sister Lindsay, with her arm around me
This is me, when I was 14, and this is my big sister Lindsay.
This is me, as a little baby (about Jake’s age) sleeping. And this is my big sister Lindsay sleeping right next to me. (starting to want to bawl about now)

What is this?
This is Aunt Lindsay at the top of a big mountain.
Did she go up up up?
Yep, she did.
And what is this?
This is Lindsay skiing.
And what is this?
These are rocks that Lindsay picked up at the top of each mountain she climbed.
And she threw ‘em?
Nope. She brought them home, to remind her of how hard she worked to climb up up up.
What’s this?
This is her Christmas tree.
What’s this?
Who do YOU think it is?
Teddy bear!
Yep, Lindsay had a snuffles teddy bear just like mommy has.
What’s this?
Do you know? What books to you see?
The Sneetches, Green Eggs and Ham, The Sleep Book…
Yep, these were Aunt Lindsay’s before they were ours.
Scriptures, Mommy!
Yep, these were Aunt Lindsay’s scriptures.
What is this?
This is our old house in Colorado where we used to live . (tears welling up)

Who’s this?
This is me and Nana—after Nana broke her neck.
Did Nana broke her neck from the car?

Yep, and it was really ouchy. She had to wear a big machine on her head so her neck could heal, and she wore it for a long time. It was hard, and we missed Lindsay a lot.
Then, she got to wear this neck brace.


What happened when the big white van rolled?

(demonstrated with his little ice cream truck what actually happened)



….she couldn’t talk because the car had been so heavy on her tummy. But Nana and Baba held her, and stroked her hair, and told her how much they loved her... and then she died.


And she can talk now?

Yes, Ethan, she can.